If You Have Ever Been Wounded By The Church?

Have you ever been hurt by a Church, Pastor, or other Christian? I bet you have! If you have been in Christian circles for any length of time something unpleasant has most likely happened to you. The really difficult thing about this is that these are the places and people who are supposed to lift us up; the Church is where we should go to receive strength and encouragement. So that makes the betrayal all the more painful. Over the years I have ministered in some very fine churches to wonderful people, but in every one of those places I have been wounded. I am not writing this as an indictment against the Church or Christians, but to help guide you towards a proper and healthy response.

Way too many people who have experienced this kind of pain respond in a way that actually hinders the healing and furthers the hurt. There are a couple of things I want you to remember...

1.   Jesus was also wounded by the religious people of His day. After all we were told that the things that happened to Jesus would happen to us too. So if you have been hurt by the Church or Christians you are in good company. Some of them may have actually been well meaning, thinking that He was a threat to the faith. This brings us to the next point.

2.     Sometimes we are hurt by those who think they are doing the right thing. The case could be made that Saul thought he was doing the right thing by persecuting the Church. The Bible says that Jesus said this to Saul...it is hard to kick against the goads. The short story on this statement is that God had been working on Saul for a long time. He wanted to serve God but he did it all wrong.

3.    Christians are saved from sin but still not perfect. I could go on and on about this one! What I am about to write will maybe shock you...just because someone is a Christian doesn’t mean they have acquired grace. Every hurt I have experienced at the hands of Christians could have been avoided if there are had been grace. Grace is the missing ingredient to perfect Christian living. (During this time of transition this is what God is teaching me, I have a long way to go and a lot more to learn about this!) I have to pray every day that God would help me extend grace, it’s hard!

4.   What happens in Church isn’t always blessed by God. I want to be very clear on this...it is never God’s plan for anyone to be hurt in the Church or by other believers. I know firsthand that many, many times things happened under my leadership that was not of God’s making. Even some things I have done! We will get to that later. What I want to say here is, don’t blame God for the hurt that you experience in the Church!

5.      Often the Pastor or leader of the Church isn’t aware of the hurt that is being caused. When I left one of the previous churches I pastored I started hearing some things that shocked me about how some members of the congregation were treating others. In one case a couple was actually telling people they didn’t belong and should leave. I was mortified by this, but what made it worse was that these people thought it was coming from me. I know this is hard to do sometimes but take it your Pastor, believe me he needs to know, he wants to know!

6.  This is the hard one, it is possible that you too have hurt someone. This is where self-examination is needed. You would think that someone who has been hurt would be more sensitive, often that isn’t the case. If fact, show me a hurt person and I will show you a person who is predisposed to hurt others. Take a hard and honest look at yourself and let God change you.

7.  This is spiritual! One of the things I am coming to recognize is that everything and I mean everything has an element of the spiritual attached to it. Over the years I have noticed that I have been hurt more in my Christian relationships than the others. Why? Because the evil one is working against us. He wants to discourage us and make us feel like we are alone. He will take every advantage to disrupt our walk with Jesus. That hurt is really a spiritual attack from the enemy. See it for what it is...an attempt not only to destroy your relationships with the Church and other believers, but ultimately to destroy your relationship with God. Don’t you dare let him win!

Let me encourage you with something God is showing me...He wants me to use my hurts to help the hurting.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

I don’t know about you but I’m fine with that!

What if I’m a racist?

Lately, America has been forced to deal with the issue of racism. As a white man I can honestly say I haven’t really given it much thought. Oh, every once in a while, when something happened in the news I would give it a thought or two, but then quickly retreat back into my own world. I was even naïve enough to think that once a black man had been elected as president that the issue was put to rest once and for all. I believed that America had finally come to the place where race didn’t matter. But honestly, it never has mattered much to me, maybe because I am white. I have never been touched by discrimination. I have never been followed around a store by security because of the color of my skin. I have never had someone avoid me on the street because I am white. Never have I been insulted because of my race. No one has ever passed judgment on my character due to my race. I have never been considered a threat to anyone’s safety because of my appearance. I have never been stopped by the police simply for driving in the wrong part of town. And the list could go on. And guess what? I don’t even think about being white, because it simply has never been an issue.

After all that has happened lately, it just seems wrong not to think about these things. I hear a lot about “white privilege” Are there benefits for being white? I don’t know because I have never considered it. Would I even know since I have never thought about it? But the question that haunts me right now is personal…

Am I a racist…?

I love people! I have no one that I can say is my enemy. (Ok, I admit some people annoy me and there are plenty of people I annoy!) I love talking to people especially people who are different than me; there are all kinds of interesting things to talk about with people of different backgrounds, life experiences, and cultures. I can honestly say that I am not intimidated because of someone’s race; in fact my curiosity creates a strong desire to interact with people different than me. By the way, this doesn’t just go for race but religion, politics, and a whole host of other differences. But I will have to concede I sometimes get nervous because I don’t want to offend, since often I am unfamiliar with what is offensive I say things and do things that offend.

But that isn’t my heart...

And that is my point! My mouth may say something considered racist but I truly don’t know that it is… So in writing this I’m asking that there be a path to forgiveness without labeling me something I do not want to be. I also realize that it is my job to learn these things; it isn’t the responsibility of others to teach me. So I am willing to learn how to be a better man, a better white man, a man who sees the struggles of others and is ready to do something about it!

**I wrote this some time ago but have purposely waited for a time when emotions aren’t running high.